How You Should Eat Cheese

I only eat cheese at night.

This does not mean that I don’t eat things with cheese until after nightfall; macaroni, pizza, and grilled cheese sandwiches are all part of my weekly eating habits. There is a stark difference, though, between this eating and the eating of cheese I indulge myself in after dark.

Eating cheese is a primal urge. At night, I slink to the refrigerator and fill a bowl to the rim with shaved parmesan, each piece a delicate burst of flavor. The bigger shavings I pick up piece by piece, the smaller ones I spoon in by the fingerful—as much as I’m able to pinch into my gaping mouth. In the past, my partner used to remark, “Do you want some bowl with your cheese?” Now he keeps his opinions to himself.

My cheese-eating habit is not a new occurrence. As a child, I would sneak to the refrigerator after the house had gone to sleep. Standing in the dark, bathed in the white light from within, I would mangle bags of shredded mozzarella, shoveling handfuls into my mouth in a frenzy, forgoing a bowl entirely. This was not something I had to do in secret—I was, within reason, allowed to eat what I wanted—but still, I chose to restrict my cheese eating to times when I would not be witnessed, would not be judged, would not be misunderstood. 

Throughout my life, I’ve eaten numerous cheeses in this way. Parmesan and mozzarella have been a standard constant, but I’ve dabbled in cheddar, gouda, pepper jack, and four cheese mixes, just to name a few. There was even a time when I ate a block of sharp cheddar like a burrito; I took bites straight from one end to the other, each mouthful leaving a trail of teeth marks across its yellow surface. This I do not recommend, though; there’s something to be said about the act of shoveling it, the act of choosing which piece to devour next.

I also do not recommend eating cheese in this way during daylight hours. I have only tried this once when I happened to be severely hungover, which I admit could have clouded my judgment a bit, but I still stand firm that cheese is best enjoyed after dark. During the day, cheese is an accessory, an addition, a garnish—its true potential untapped and disguised. At night, cheese is the main dish and can be enjoyed as such. During the day, it leaves you wanting more; at night, it fills your very soul. It is never quite as satisfying as it is in the dark.

So, the next time you find yourself hungry after dinner, the next time you’re looking for a midnight snack, the next time you want to nurture your inner primal self, make your way to the refrigerator. 

And remember: bowls are optional.

Madeline Merritt (she/they) is a nonfiction writer who was born and raised in the state of West Virginia. Now based in Fairfax, Virginia, Madeline is a nonfiction candidate at George Mason University’s MFA program, as well as the nonfiction recipient of the program’s 3rd Year Fellowship Award. When they aren’t writing, Madeline can most often be found enjoying the outdoors, hunting for the best coffee shop in town, or cuddling with their newly adopted cat! You can find more of their work in Exclamation Mark Literary Journal.